I was quite sleepy by the time 9pm rolled around. In fact, I'd already involuntarily dozed a few times on the day room sofa. So, I got up with the intention of catching up on lost sleep. Since then, I've picked a lady up off the floor, investigated a fire alarm in an old folks home and handled a medical emergency -- all strategically timed in such a way that I've yet to get any sleep at all.
I've said many times over the last month that I'd never been as ready for a vacation as I was for my cruise at the first of June. i was stressed to the max and had a lot of things on my plate. After I got back, I found myself talking to Alex on the phone one night in mid-June. These conversations happen from time to time and are completely random. In fact, I'm not sure we've had one since.
Anyway, I shared with her some of the reasons I was stressed out. I tossed some emotional baggage out there that I wouldn't normally have shared -- with anyone. The phone call ended with her telling me that she loved me. I don't think it was in a "I want to sleep with you" way, but in very much a "I want what's best for you" way. I think that feeling is mutual, but I also think we worry how our friendship might interfere with that goal. Regardless, I find it interesting how much easier it is to share our true thoughts with each other now that we've been apart for nearly six years than it was when we were essentially dating.
Speaking of dating, Alex had a first date tonight. She said it was everything she wanted it to be and more. I hope she's not blowing smoke up my ass. She's lost out on more than a few relationships and in ways much more spectacular than how ours imploded. So I sincerely hope she finds happiness soon. Sure, it might absolve me of a little guilt... but mostly its because I do love her in a "I want what's best for you" kind of way. To have such feelings and to be able to categorize them properly feels very mature to me. if there is truth to this feeling, I've come a long way in the last few years.
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