Thomas Fletcher (fletch31526) wrote,
Thomas Fletcher

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"...sometimes I guess I can be a complicated person."

I don't understand why, but the more that's bouncing around in my brain, the less likely I am to write about it. I need to get away. I need a week somewhere I've never been -- but to a place that isn't so interesting I'll want to spend my time exploring. I need a week in a cabin or a hotel room or a truck stop that gets just enough traffic to be interesting without being distracting. I need to write. I need to purge my brain. I don't think The Wife will go for it. At the least, she'd be suspicious. Of course, maybe she has every right to be. When I get into "one of my moods," I withdraw into myself. I don't honestly know how I'd react if she were the same way. I think there are a lot of things about me that she doesn't necessarily understand. I imagine she's not alone.

Somewhat related, I offer up this little nugget I rediscovered tonight from more than 10 years ago -- some nine months before I began writing online. It's the first three paragraphs of a 12-page typed journal in late 1999 & early 2000. How can that seem like so long ago and seem like yesterday all at the same time?

12:50 AM 9/27/99 (Monday)

On multiple occasions in my life, I've tried to write a journal. I've always thought it would be interesting to chronicle the events of my life... and my feelings on these events. As time passes, memories can fade. Before you know it, only the high and low points of a person's life can be remembered... and the bulk of their experience disappears. However, many factors have prevented me from getting too far into such a project. Now, I'll try again.

The easiest question to answer when writing a story is where to begin... Obviously, you begin at the beginning. The next question is much harder to answer. Where and what is the beginning? (Okay, I guess that was two questions).

Who am I now... where am I... what am I feeling. There is no way to duplicate my feelings on life as it is now. I've tried many times to explain how I feel on friends, work, firefighting, etc. But no matter how much I try, I always feel that I haven't conveyed my point well enough. So, if I find it tough to convey these feelings to friends that should understand... sometimes understanding them myself becomes complicated. But sometimes I guess I can be a complicated person.

Some things, it seems, never change.

Tags: jessie, public

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