Thomas Fletcher (fletch31526) wrote,
Thomas Fletcher

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It's 2 AM and I must be lonely...

I may not be writing, but I haven't stopped thinking. I think about everything -- sometimes twice.

It's easy to say that too much thinking is a bad thing. Crash Davis said as much in Bull Durham, "don't think, it can only hurt the ball club." But mostly, too much thinking is only a bad thing when it doesn't reveal any answers. When you figure something out, it suddenly becomes worth the effort.

So, what have I figured out?

Whatever problem I've had over the last four years can probably be traced back to my inability to surrender or be vulnerable or to say whatever it was I was truly thinking or feeling.

That would probably strike a lot of people I know as strange. To them, I'm among the most out-spoken people around. I'm known for voicing my opinion despite the risks and charging ahead, occasionally making enemies along the way. But what people seem to be and what they really are isn't always the same. For as many of my opinions as I spew, I hold nearly as many back.

There's a much more fragile side of me that exists and I have decided that most of the things that have tripped me up in my past can be traced to that side.

God, I love a revelation.

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