January 10th, 2010


"Too Eager..."

About 14 hours ago, the computer room looked halfway presentable. At the moment, it looks like the detonation site for a small nuclear device. It all started when I got an itch to tidy up the desk in here... that led me to the hutch where old papers and things go to die. I've been sorting and stacking and shredding things ever since.

In amongst the bank statements from 2003, there are lots of random pieces of paper where I've jotted down my thoughts. I've got these things tucked into holes here and there. I sometimes wonder if anyone will bother reading them if I croaked. I guess it depends on what stuff they read first. Some of it would certainly steer you towards boredom. Other stuff would probably lure you in. Of course, there is some of it that I don't even understand.

For some reason, I can distinctly remember lying in bed one night in my last apartment and rolling over to grab a steno pad before turning out the light. I jotted a few things down in what I'm sure was an effort not to lose my thoughts while I slept.

"Maybe I just use people up... and then am too eager to discard them and
replace them with new ones."

I wrote my thoughts down to save them... but four or five years later, I have no specific idea what sparked those sorts of feelings.
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The Written Word

In the early days of my journal Deadline Pressure, it wasn't uncommon for me to to write real, live entries multiple times a week. There were certainly months that saw a dozen entries with paragraphs and thought -- a far cry from the 140-character world we live in today. In December 2001, smoke from the fire gave my hard drive fits and I returned to school sans computer. With all of my design software and files on my smoky Compaq Presario, time stood still at Deadline Pressure for a couple of months.

A lot happened while the journal was on a haitus from new entries. Most notably, Alex found my site. (Okay, so she was actually led to it by a mutual friend of ours that had found it.) That event alone gave me pause and I wondered many times whether I should give up writing online for good. In February, I decided that I was going to stick around. I couldn't update my site at JohnDoe.Org, so I created a temporary journal at diary-x and wrote an entry announcing my return (although new stuff wouldn't appear at The Doe until March 25).

In the time since, diary-x.com has bitten the bullet and they took that "return entry" with it... Well, that is until I found the hand-written original Saturday night in amongst my papers. It was a three-page, stream of consciousness check-list of things that had kept me occupied in lieu of writing. As was usually the case, I had a lot on my mind...

I'm back PDF

(Click image for PDF)