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7-2 | Nuptials - Between Deadlines
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fletch31526
fletch31526
Thomas Fletcher
Tue, Jul. 24th, 2012 01:22 am
7-2 | Nuptials

As of yesterday, Alex has a new last name. It was one year to the day of their first date.

Thus, this morning marks one year to the day of me typing these words:
"So I sincerely hope she finds happiness soon. Sure, it might absolve me of a little guilt... but mostly its because I do love her in a 'I want what's best for you' kind of way. To have such feelings and to be able to categorize them properly feels very mature to me. if there is truth to this feeling, I've come a long way in the last few years."

I've come even further in the year since. I love Alex. I will always love Alex. But I love Jessie and the life we've made together even more. For a long time, I lived life with one foot in the present and the other firmly planted in the memories of my yesterdays. You can't commit to anything while straddling a fence. And you can't find happiness without commitment.

Tags: , ,
Current Mood: sleepy sleepy
Current Music: The Blower's Daughter / Damien Rice

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gracegiver
gracegiver
Deborah
Tue, Jul. 24th, 2012 01:26 pm (UTC)

You sound settled. Yes, I suppose even more mature (not that those two are synonymous) and maybe even happy now that THAT is settled.

Wonder if Alex hadn’t gotten married if things would be different and how so.


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fletch31526
fletch31526
Thomas Fletcher
Tue, Jul. 24th, 2012 11:22 pm (UTC)

Oh, don't use the S-word. It makes me itch. Heh.


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fletch31526
fletch31526
Thomas Fletcher
Thu, Aug. 16th, 2012 05:14 am (UTC)
A comment in which I sincerely reply instead of being a smart ass

I don't know what would have happened exactly if Alex hadn't gotten married. I'd like to think we would have figured out how to be friends. That sounds odd. We were friends. We are still friends -- sort of. But we never perfected the art of being friends without occasionally stirring up the emotional baggage of long ago. Even though our goal was to have a mature, platonic friendship... we couldn't help but use our romantic relationship as some sort of reference point. We were both quite masochistic in that way.

I can't tell you the last time I talked to her on the phone. We've exchanged texts probably three times over the last six months. She had to move me out of her life so she could move her husband in. I get that. I did the exact same thing to her in 2006. I miss talking to her but I know where she's at in her life and I have a much better feel for where I'm at with mine. That makes this a totally different scenario than it might have been a few years ago. A lot of problems in this world stem from uncertainty. There is less of that between us now, which is a tad bit strange since we don't talk very much.

I keep the iPod on shuffle while I'm jogging. The random jewels that pop up make it worth the effort of having to skip through all of the songs that just don't fit a work out. I don't skip all of the slow songs, though... and I let one play the other day that probably sums up how I try to approach the Alex situation these days...

♪♫Now and then I confess you cross my mind. Now and then I guess I have a little too much time. I've changed my way of thinking. I've tried hard to separate what came too soon from what came too late. / I don't think about me in terms of you. I don't think about you in terms of us. I don't think about us in terms of love...♪♫


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